Warning: if you send me a message via Yahoo, AOL or Hotmail, my Gmail inbox naturally assumes it's spam or phishing and thus it often ends up in my spam folder -- which means it might take a bit for me to see it and respond. Otherwise, I try to get back to inquiries in a timely manner.

For inquires and offers about casting and booking in indie movies, commercials & background work, check out my talent resume of past stuff I've done (with headshots). Please note: I'm fully affiliated with AFTRA and SAG.

To reach me from Pennsylvania:

Go on 222 north until you see the PA turnpike. Hop on the turnpike and get a ticket from the nice man in the booth. Drive for 2.5 hours and pay an unnecessary amount of money for the toll. Then look for a noisy, congested road by the Pulaski Skyway, and from there, just follow your nose (I smell like chili and semen). You'll notice a pungent aroma coming from Long Island, but don't be fooled -- it might actually be the slum of Brooklyn! Instead, head up north to Queens until you see a mob of Korean people around the train station. You can easily pick me out in the middle (I'm probably the tallest one).

To reach me from Manhattan:

You can caulk the wagon to make it float across the East River, but if you're not brave enough, simply pay the ferryman and sail to the other side along with your oxen. Look towards the far eastern part of Queens and you'll see me smiling and waving the middle finger in your general direction.

To reach me from The Hidden Temple:

You can start in the Pit of Dispair. From there you can go upwards to the Shrine of the Silver Monkey. After you cross the bridge, you will see Kirk Fogg and Olmec playing a game of Candy Land with the Temple Guards in the Nickelodeon Studios breakroom. Wave "hi" to the nice gentlemen in funny costumes and feel free to mooch money off them to buy a cheese danish in the vending machine, or perhaps a pack of Combos. The choice is yours, and yours alone.

Attention people from phonebook companies or search engine optimization websites:

I am not in the least bit interested in your services. My website is strictly for novelty and entertainment usage on a personal level, and is therefore not a business or for-profit organization. Do not call me and ask if I'd like to pay a fee to have Baronvonbrunk.com featured in the Yellow Pages, and do not ask me if I would like to pay money to have some phony website diagnostics run on my site to optimize search engine queries.